A writers forum for writers to put up their writing, that they wrote, for other writers to read.


    The Affected

    Share
    avatar
    crow
    Scribbler

    Posts : 4
    Join date : 2012-05-29
    Age : 20
    Location : England

    The Affected

    Post by crow on Tue May 29, 2012 1:34 pm

    Hey guys! Uh TA is a long running story of mine!

    The Affected is a dystopian story set about 50 years in the future. Nuclear war has destroyed most powerful nations, however England has rose from the rubble. It is lead by a powerful government party called Six, manipulating its people and watching them with a careful eye. Southern England is known as the 'Dead Zone', riddled with radioactive material. A new capital, Broadmoor, houses over 35 million people spread over 9 districts, each rising in social hierachy.
    However, the discovery of an mysterious object solely known as 'The Oracle', has changed the capital entirely.

    It is still a little vague in places, but I hope you enjoy!~

    --- PROLOGUE ---

    17:32 hours, 14th April 2063, Glasgow Tower, Government Sector, Central District, Broadmoor
    The sky was heavy with rain. It lashed down against the tinted windows, striking out loud patters against the glass. Lightning weaved between the grey clouds, followed by deep rumbles of thunder.
    At the front of the grey, bleak room stood a man. He was smart and stout looking; with buzz cut hair, brush moustache and brown eyes that sat deep in his wrinkled face. He wore a dark suit, medals hanging from his chest. Fiddling with a metre ruler, he let his eyes wander around the room filled with his colleagues. Occasionally, a detective would exchange an awkward glance with him, before going back to muttering with the others. He adjusted his tie and made sure his medals were straight again before striking the ruler against the projection board, bringing the muttering to a silence.
    “As you know, over the past few months, our scientists at the London Tower have been studying the Oracle. It was found on a January evening by an unknown man, who left it outside the doors of the Tower.”
    The man began to flick through various slides and videos about the Oracle itself.
    “However, sometime after, the Oracle released a huge energy wave; catching multiple of our scientists within it. A handful of these were subject to DNA alterations which caused a range of affects physical and mentally to the individual. From then onwards, multiple individuals were then picked randomly from the lower districts to act as test subjects. Unfortunately, all of them resulted in failure, except two; VEC-001 and VEC-002”. The presentation paused on a slide with two drawings of the subjects. They were two girls, probably around the age of 13 and 16, both with jet black hair and deep green eyes. “These two are both unique and a breakthrough in science”.
    There was a something of a brief pause, before he continued the presentation once more, now flicking through a series of CCTV images.
    “Weeks later two of our scientists - one of which was caught in the energy wave - escaped the sector with both subjects VEC-001 and VEC-002. Directing the escape was a Mr Zach Runnel, previously one of our leading scientists. Using abilities unknown to us as of yet, he bypassed security along with his apprentice, a Miss Kathrina Espino”
    He showed a few more CCTV image slides, showing the group slipping through the doors before turning to address the assembly.
    “As of now, we are currently hunting them down, along with the unknown man who is deemed a threat. I am asking you to help us. Be warned – they are all highly dangerous. But if encountered, I’m sure you all know how to deal with them.” A slow grin etched itself onto his face. As of then the projected image on the screen flickered out, leaving the entire party in darkness.


    Last edited by crow on Fri Jun 01, 2012 12:50 pm; edited 2 times in total
    avatar
    YamiShadow
    Head Critic

    Posts : 14
    Join date : 2012-05-29
    Age : 23
    Location : Canada, Forest, Middle-Of-Nowhere

    Re: The Affected

    Post by YamiShadow on Tue May 29, 2012 3:50 pm

    Wow. So far, it looks like this is going to be a very interesting story. The prologue is short, but it certainly serves its purpose. I see a lot of possible plot tracks that could come from here.

    Just as a quick note, you've written colleges at one point, but I'm prettyyyy sure you mean colleagues. xD Probably a good idea to fix it.


    _________________

    avatar
    crow
    Scribbler

    Posts : 4
    Join date : 2012-05-29
    Age : 20
    Location : England

    Re: The Affected

    Post by crow on Tue May 29, 2012 3:52 pm

    thank you ;w;

    oop i'll be sure to fix it, thank you!~
    avatar
    Gabbathehut
    Admin

    Posts : 4
    Join date : 2012-05-29
    Location : Canada

    Re: The Affected

    Post by Gabbathehut on Thu May 31, 2012 5:44 pm

    Interesting idea!
    I am very excited to see what you have in store for it. Smile

    Larik
    Scribbler

    Posts : 9
    Join date : 2012-06-02

    Re: The Affected

    Post by Larik on Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:08 pm

    Hm, I'm curious about the next installment as well. The Prologue didn't quite sink its teeth into me, but I normally read the first three chapters of a book in order to gauge whether or not it's worth my time or money. So, hopefully, you'll hook me with your next installment. Good luck.
    avatar
    Fyodor
    Moderator

    Posts : 12
    Join date : 2012-05-30

    Re: The Affected

    Post by Fyodor on Mon Jun 11, 2012 10:25 am

    Seems to have an interesting opening catch, though I feel like the hook didn't sink far into into my brain to reel me all the way into the story.

    Really good so far, but my advice is to find a little bit more of a kick to start it off with.

    Sponsored content

    Re: The Affected

    Post by Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:10 am